My bird joke

[G Saner]

Like many presenters, if I give a martin talk, I like to start with a joke. I don't have a martin joke or even a songbird joke. The best I can do is a chicken joke and here it is. I am warning you, the only reason it is funny is that it is silly.


A man has a sister that gets herself into financial problems. Temporarily, he lets her move into his home with his wife and 4 children. Things go well at first but eventually, he finds that her problems are more than just financial.

He finds out that his sister thinks she's a chicken. This drives the man to the point that he himself goes for counseling. When he tells the counselor that his sister thinks she's a chicken, the counselor says "why don't you just tell her she is not a chicken. To which the man replies "well, frankly, we need the eggs".

[C.C.Martins]

Gary,
I'm going to use that! I read it to my wife, after a bit of dead silence she sent me to my room.
Here's a snail joke:
A snail goes to a car dealership because he's tired of the same old "Snails are slow" story. He asks the salesman if he has anything sporty and small. Dealer says "yep, I have just the thing, how about we put you in a z-28."
Snail loves it but asks if it can be called the S-28. Dealer says "sure, call it what you want but why the S-28"?
Snail replies, "so when I'm zipping down the highway, I want people to say wow, look at that s car go!"
Get it? Escargot?
Remember you started it.....

[G Saner]

Very good Tom. Yes I started it but you replied. Here is another silly bird joke. I know parrots are smart but probably not this smart.


A man takes his homely wife to eat at a nice restaurant. Just inside the front door is a parrot inside a cage.

As the man and his wife walk by, the parrot tells the man "your wife is the ugliest woman I have ever seen".

The man is terribly upset. He goes and finds the manager, brings him back to the parrot and tells him what the parrot just said. The manager violently shakes the parrot cage while yelling " don't you ever say that again and insult one of our customers".

The manager then escorts the couple to their best table and comps their meal.

After dinner, the couple walks out past the parrot and the parrot says "hey". The man turns around and says back "yeaaah what!?"

The parrot says "you know".

[C.C.Martins]

hahahahahahaha, gasp, gasp, hahahahahahahahaha!

[Dave Reynolds]

Very good Tom. Yes I started it but you replied. Here is another silly bird joke. I know parrots are smart but probably not this smart.


A man takes his homely wife to eat at a nice restaurant. Just inside the front door is a parrot inside a cage.

As the man and his wife walk by, the parrot tells the man "your wife is the ugliest woman I have ever seen".

The man is terribly upset. He goes and finds the manager, brings him back to the parrot and tells him what the parrot just said. The manager violently shakes the parrot cage while yelling " don't you ever say that again and insult one of our customers".

The manager then escorts the couple to their best table and comps their meal.

After dinner, the couple walks out past the parrot and the parrot says "hey". The man turns around and says back "yeaaah what!?"

The parrot says "you know".

...
..

.... G.Saner ,, Not bad.... Got any more ....

Dave

[G Saner]

Dave,

That's my last bird joke but with all the talk about martins returning, here is a Florida joke.


An older gentleman is sitting on the beach in Florida enjoying the sun on his skin and the sound of the waves crashing in. Another man about the same age is sitting nearby and strikes up a conversation.

"How do you like living in Florida?" he asks.

The other man replies "I like it fine. I owned a store in New York City but it burned to the ground. At my age, I didn't want to rebuild so I took the insurance proceeds and retired to Florida".

"What a coincidence, that's amazing!" the man shouts. "I had a business in Oklahoma City that was destroyed by a tornado and I took the insurance proceeds and retired here also".

"Wow!" said the New Yorker. "That IS a coincidence. But tell me something. How do you start a tornado?"

[C.C.Martins]

Oh.......I don't get it.....

Wait! So the guy from New york probably started his fire!!!!

I get it!

[Whippy]

A farmer has 100+ chickens and only one rooster. So he goes and gets another younger rooster to lighten the load on the old rooster and turns him out into the yard. The farmer and his buddy sit on the porch to see what will happen.

The old rooster gets up to the new younger rooster and says to him, "I am the master of this here yard and those are all my chickens."

The young rooster replies, "Well apparently you're not doing a good job because farmer brought me in to help."

Old rooster says, "Look. No need to squabble. I tell you what. Let's race around the farmers house and if you win, I'll share the yard with you. But, given my age you'll have to give me a slight head start."

The young rooster agrees.

So the old rooster takes off and soon the young rooster is in hot pursuit chasing close behind the old rooster. Just as they round the corner of the house there's a large blast from a shotgun. The farmers friend is in shock and asks, "What the hell did you do that for? Why did you shoot that young rooster?"

Farmer replies, "That's the third gay rooster I bought this week."

Coolwhips

[C.C.Martins]

Oh man!!!

[Dave Reynolds]

A farmer has 100+ chickens and only one rooster. So he goes and gets another younger rooster to lighten the load on the old rooster and turns him out into the yard. The farmer and his buddy sit on the porch to see what will happen.

The old rooster gets up to the new younger rooster and says to him, "I am the master of this here yard and those are all my chickens."

The young rooster replies, "Well apparently you're not doing a good job because farmer brought me in to help."

Old rooster says, "Look. No need to squabble. I tell you what. Let's race around the farmers house and if you win, I'll share the yard with you. But, given my age you'll have to give me a slight head start."

The young rooster agrees.

So the old rooster takes off and soon the young rooster is in hot pursuit chasing close behind the old rooster. Just as they round the corner of the house there's a large blast from a shotgun. The farmers friend is in shock and asks, "What the hell did you do that for? Why did you shoot that young rooster?"

Farmer replies, "That's the third gay rooster I bought this week."

Coolwhips

,,
.
.... Whippy ... That's a good one... Keeps us laughing while we wait for the first reports..

Dave

[G Saner]

Whippy,

Wisdom often comes with age. Smart old rooster. You reminded me of another chicken joke.


Colonel Sanders is going through his mail at the Fried Chicken Headquarters. He finds a letter from a local farmer who has developed a chicken with three legs and wants to enter into a business relationship with the Colonel. The Colonel realizes that a chicken with 50% more drumsticks could be a benefit to his business but wants to visit the farmer first.

When the Colonel turns off the paved highway and onto the long gravel road to the farmers house, he is travelling at 30 mph. He looks down and a chicken is running next to the car without any effort to keep up. So, he speeds up to 35 mph and the chicken matches his speed. The results are the same at 40 then 50 even 60 mph. About a quarter mile from the farmhouse, the chicken blasts by the car, down the road and zooms into the chicken coop behind the farmer's house.

When the Colonel arrives, the farmer comes out of his house to greet him. The Colonel tells the farmer that was quite a unique sales pitch, but he still needs to know something before he makes an offer. "Tell me how the drumsticks TASTE" demands the Colonel. The farmer looks down sheepishly and says "Well, we don't know.......we never caught one."

[C.C.Martins]

Hahahahahahaha, gasp, gasp, hahahahahahahaa!