We lost our faithful dog this afternoon

[Louise Chambers]

David,

Liz Oakley emailed this poem to PMCA and asked we post it here for you. She reads the forum daily but no longer posts.

A DOG FOR JESUS

I wish someone had given Jesus a dog,
As loyal and loving as mine;
To sleep by His manger and gaze in His eyes,
And adore Him for being divine.

As our Lord grew to manhood His faithful dog,
Would have followed Him all through the day;
While He preached to the crowds and made the sick well,
And knelt in the garden to pray.

It is sad to remember that Christ went away,
To face death alone and apart;
With no tender dog following close behind,
To comfort its Master’s heart.

And when Jesus rose on that Easter morn,
How happy He would have been;
As His dog kissed His hands and barked its delight,
For the One who died for all men.

Well, the Lord has a dog now, I just sent Him mine,
The old pal so dear to me;
And I smile through my tears on this first day alone,
Knowing they’re in eternity.

Day after day, the whole day through,
Wherever my road inclined;
Four feet said, “I am coming with you!”
And trotted along behind.

by Rudyard Kipling

[KathyF]

Wow, that's beautiful, Louise. David, so very sorry to hear of your loss. We love our dogs as if they were our own kids. They love unconditionally, they don't judge us, and they are great listeners! I know the pain of having to make the decision for your pet and I also know that although it's painful now, it will someday be easier to think of the fun memories.

This is one of my favorite stories, given to me when I had to let my Baxter go 5 years ago. I share it with everyone that loses their pet.

TEARS
The little orange boy stopped.
Behind him, kitties were playing, chasing each other and wrestling in the warm sunshine.
It looked like so much fun, but in front of him, through the clear stillness of the pond's water, he could see his mommy.
And she was crying.
He pawed at the water, trying to get at her, and when that didn't work, he jumped into the shallow water. All that got him was wet and Mommy's image danced away in the ripples.
"Mommy!" he cried.
"Is something wrong?" The little orange boy turned around.
A lady was standing at the edge of the pond, her eyes sad but filled with love.
The little orange boy sighed and walked out of the water.
"There's been a mistake," he said. "I'm not supposed to be here."
He looked back at the water.
It was starting to still again and his mommy's image was coming back.
"I'm just a baby. Mommy said it had to be a mistake. She said I wasn't supposed to come here yet." The kind lady sighed and sat down on the grass.
The little orange boy climbed into her lap.
It wasn't Mommy's lap, but it was almost as good.
When she started to pet him and scratch under his chin like he liked, he started to purr.
He hadn't wanted to, but he couldn't help it.
"I'm afraid there is no mistake. You are supposed to be here and your mommy knows it deep down in her heart," the lady said.
The little orange boy sighed and laid his head on the lady's leg.
"But she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry. And daddy too."
"But they knew right from the beginning this would happen."
"That I was sick?"
That surprised the little orange boy.
No one had ever said anything and he had listened when they thought he was sleeping.
All he had heard them talk about was how cute he was or how fast he was or how big he was getting.
"No, not that you were sick," the lady said.
"But you see, they chose tears."
"No, they didn't," the little orange boy argued. Who would choose to cry?
The lady gently brushed the top of his head with a kiss. It made him feel safe and loved and warm - but he still worried about his mommy.
"Let me tell you a story," the lady said.
The little orange boy looked up and saw other animals gathering around.
Cats - Big Boy and Snowball and Shamus and Abby and little Cleo and Robin.
Merlin and Toby and Iggy and Zachary. Sweetie and Kamatte and OBie.
Dogs too- Sally and Baby and Morgan and Rocky and Belle.
Even a lizard named Clyde and some rats named Saffron and Becky and a hamster named Odo.
They all lay down near the kind lady and looked up at her, waiting.
She smiled at them and began:
A long long time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel in Charge. They were lonesome and asked the Angel to help them.
The Angel took them to a wall of windows and let them look out the first window at all sorts of things - dolls and stuffed animals and cars and toys and sporting events. "Here are things you can love," the Angel said. "They will keep you from being lonesome."
"Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need."
"You have chosen Pleasure," the Angel told them.

But after a time the Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
"Things are okay to love," they said. "But they don't care that we love them."
The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window. It looked out at all sorts of wild animals.
"Here are animals to love," he said. "They will know you love them."
So the Loving Ones hurried out to care for the wild animals.
"You have chosen Satisfaction," the Angel said.


Some of the Loving Ones worked at zoos and wild animal preserves, some just had bird feeders in their yards, but after a time they all came back to the Angel in Charge.
"They know we love them," they told the Angel. "But they don't love us back.
We want to be loved in return."
So the Angel took them to the third window and showed them lots of people walking around, hurrying places.
"Here are people for you to love," the Angel told them.
So the Loving Ones hurried off to find other people to love.
"You have chosen Commitment," the Angel said.


But after a time a lot of Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
"People were okay to love," they said. "But sometimes they stopped loving us and left. They broke our hearts."
The Angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you," he said.
"You will have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."
As the Loving Ones were leaving, someone saw a window off to one side and hurried to look out.
Through it, they could see puppies and kittens and dogs and cats and lizards and hamsters and ferrets.
The other Loving Ones hurried over.
"What about these?" they asked.
But the Angel just tried to shoo them away.
"Those are Personal Empathy Trainers," he said.
"But there's a problem with their system operations."
"Would they know that we love them?" someone asked.
"Yes," the Angel said.
"Would they love us back?" another asked.
"Yes," the Angel said.
"Will they stop loving us?" someone else asked.
"No," the Angel admitted. "They will love you forever."
"Then these are what we want," the Loving Ones said.
But the Angel was very upset.
"You don't understand," he told them. "You will have to feed these animals."
"That's all right," the Loving Ones said.
"You will have to clean up after them and take care of them forever."
"We don't care."
The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where the Pets were and picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts reflected in the animals' eyes.
"They were not programmed right," the Angel said. "We can't offer a warranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systems malfunction very quickly, others last a long time."
But the Loving Ones did not care.
They were holding the warm little bodies and finding their hearts so filled with love that they thought they would burst.
"We will take our chances," they said.
"You do not understand." The Angel tried one more time. "They are so dependent on you that even the most well-made of them is not designed to out live you. You are destined to suffer their loss."
The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms and nodded.
"That is how it should be. It is a fair trade for the love they offer."
The Angel just watched them all go, shaking his head.
"You have chosen Tears," he whispered.


"So it is," the kind lady told the kitties.
"And so each mommy and daddy knows. When they take a baby into their heart, they know that one day it will leave them and they will cry."
The little orange boy sat up. "So why do they take us in?" he asked.
"Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later."
"Oh." The little orange boy got off the lady's lap and went back to the edge of the pond.
His mommy was still there, and still crying.
"Will she ever stop crying?" he asked the kind lady.
She nodded. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the Loving Ones, knowing how much they would suffer. He couldn't take the tears away but he made them special."
She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water trickle off her fingers.
"He made them healing tears, formed from the special water here.
Each tear holds bits of all the happy times of purring and petting and shared love.
And the promise of love once again.
As your mommy cries, she is healing. It may take a long while, but the tears will help her feel better. In time she will be less sad and she will smile when she thinks of you.
And then she will open her heart again to another little baby."
"But then she will cry again one day," the little orange boy said.
The lady just smiled at him as she got to her feet.
"No, she will love again. That is all she will think about."
She picked up Big Boy and Snowball and gave them hugs, then scratched Morgan's ear just how she liked.
"Look," she said. "The butterflies have come. Shall we go over to play?"
The other animals all ran ahead, but the little orange boy wasn't ready to leave his mommy.
"Will I ever get to be with her again?"
The kind lady nodded.
"You'll be in the eyes of every kitty she looks at. You'll be in the purr of every cat she pets. And late at night, when she's fast asleep, your spirit will snuggle up close to her and you both will feel at peace. One day soon, you can even send her a rainbow to tell her you're safe and waiting here for when it's her turn to come."
"I would like that," the little orange boy said and took one long look at his mommy.
He saw her smile slightly through her tears and he knew she had remembered the time he almost fell into the bathtub.
"I love you, Mommy," he whispered. "It's okay if you cry."
He glanced over at the other pets, running and playing and laughing with the butterflies.
"Uh, Mommy? I gotta go play now, okay? But I'll be around, I promise."
Then he turned and raced after the others.

Anne Kolaczyk (c) 1998

[Siberman]

Sorry for your loss . I lost my 14 year old Siberian female this past October then had to put down her 13 year old mate in February (after watching him grieve for 4 months). They were mated for 12.5 years.

I don't have it on this computer but there's a poem by Rudyard Kipling called " Ode to a Dog" that says it all.

[Siberman]

Wow, that's beautiful, Louise. David, so very sorry to hear of your loss. We love our dogs as if they were our own kids. They love unconditionally, they don't judge us, and they are great listeners! I know the pain of having to make the decision for your pet and I also know that although it's painful now, it will someday be easier to think of the fun memories.

This is one of my favorite stories, given to me when I had to let my Baxter go 5 years ago. I share it with everyone that loses their pet.

TEARS
The little orange boy stopped.
Behind him, kitties were playing, chasing each other and wrestling in the warm sunshine.
It looked like so much fun, but in front of him, through the clear stillness of the pond's water, he could see his mommy.
And she was crying.
He pawed at the water, trying to get at her, and when that didn't work, he jumped into the shallow water. All that got him was wet and Mommy's image danced away in the ripples.
"Mommy!" he cried.
"Is something wrong?" The little orange boy turned around.
A lady was standing at the edge of the pond, her eyes sad but filled with love.
The little orange boy sighed and walked out of the water.
"There's been a mistake," he said. "I'm not supposed to be here."
He looked back at the water.
It was starting to still again and his mommy's image was coming back.
"I'm just a baby. Mommy said it had to be a mistake. She said I wasn't supposed to come here yet." The kind lady sighed and sat down on the grass.
The little orange boy climbed into her lap.
It wasn't Mommy's lap, but it was almost as good.
When she started to pet him and scratch under his chin like he liked, he started to purr.
He hadn't wanted to, but he couldn't help it.
"I'm afraid there is no mistake. You are supposed to be here and your mommy knows it deep down in her heart," the lady said.
The little orange boy sighed and laid his head on the lady's leg.
"But she's so sad. It hurts me to see her cry. And daddy too."
"But they knew right from the beginning this would happen."
"That I was sick?"
That surprised the little orange boy.
No one had ever said anything and he had listened when they thought he was sleeping.
All he had heard them talk about was how cute he was or how fast he was or how big he was getting.
"No, not that you were sick," the lady said.
"But you see, they chose tears."
"No, they didn't," the little orange boy argued. Who would choose to cry?
The lady gently brushed the top of his head with a kiss. It made him feel safe and loved and warm - but he still worried about his mommy.
"Let me tell you a story," the lady said.
The little orange boy looked up and saw other animals gathering around.
Cats - Big Boy and Snowball and Shamus and Abby and little Cleo and Robin.
Merlin and Toby and Iggy and Zachary. Sweetie and Kamatte and OBie.
Dogs too- Sally and Baby and Morgan and Rocky and Belle.
Even a lizard named Clyde and some rats named Saffron and Becky and a hamster named Odo.
They all lay down near the kind lady and looked up at her, waiting.
She smiled at them and began:
A long long time ago, the Loving Ones went to the Angel in Charge. They were lonesome and asked the Angel to help them.
The Angel took them to a wall of windows and let them look out the first window at all sorts of things - dolls and stuffed animals and cars and toys and sporting events. "Here are things you can love," the Angel said. "They will keep you from being lonesome."
"Oh, thank you," the Loving Ones said. "These are just what we need."
"You have chosen Pleasure," the Angel told them.

But after a time the Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
"Things are okay to love," they said. "But they don't care that we love them."
The Angel in Charge led them over to the second window. It looked out at all sorts of wild animals.
"Here are animals to love," he said. "They will know you love them."
So the Loving Ones hurried out to care for the wild animals.
"You have chosen Satisfaction," the Angel said.


Some of the Loving Ones worked at zoos and wild animal preserves, some just had bird feeders in their yards, but after a time they all came back to the Angel in Charge.
"They know we love them," they told the Angel. "But they don't love us back.
We want to be loved in return."
So the Angel took them to the third window and showed them lots of people walking around, hurrying places.
"Here are people for you to love," the Angel told them.
So the Loving Ones hurried off to find other people to love.
"You have chosen Commitment," the Angel said.


But after a time a lot of Loving Ones came back to the Angel in Charge.
"People were okay to love," they said. "But sometimes they stopped loving us and left. They broke our hearts."
The Angel just shook his head. "I cannot help you," he said.
"You will have to be satisfied with the choices I gave you."
As the Loving Ones were leaving, someone saw a window off to one side and hurried to look out.
Through it, they could see puppies and kittens and dogs and cats and lizards and hamsters and ferrets.
The other Loving Ones hurried over.
"What about these?" they asked.
But the Angel just tried to shoo them away.
"Those are Personal Empathy Trainers," he said.
"But there's a problem with their system operations."
"Would they know that we love them?" someone asked.
"Yes," the Angel said.
"Would they love us back?" another asked.
"Yes," the Angel said.
"Will they stop loving us?" someone else asked.
"No," the Angel admitted. "They will love you forever."
"Then these are what we want," the Loving Ones said.
But the Angel was very upset.
"You don't understand," he told them. "You will have to feed these animals."
"That's all right," the Loving Ones said.
"You will have to clean up after them and take care of them forever."
"We don't care."
The Loving Ones did not listen. They went down to where the Pets were and picked them up, seeing the love in their own hearts reflected in the animals' eyes.
"They were not programmed right," the Angel said. "We can't offer a warranty. We don't know how durable they are. Some of their systems malfunction very quickly, others last a long time."
But the Loving Ones did not care.
They were holding the warm little bodies and finding their hearts so filled with love that they thought they would burst.
"We will take our chances," they said.
"You do not understand." The Angel tried one more time. "They are so dependent on you that even the most well-made of them is not designed to out live you. You are destined to suffer their loss."
The Loving Ones looked at the sweetness in their arms and nodded.
"That is how it should be. It is a fair trade for the love they offer."
The Angel just watched them all go, shaking his head.
"You have chosen Tears," he whispered.


"So it is," the kind lady told the kitties.
"And so each mommy and daddy knows. When they take a baby into their heart, they know that one day it will leave them and they will cry."
The little orange boy sat up. "So why do they take us in?" he asked.
"Because even a moment of your love is worth years of pain later."
"Oh." The little orange boy got off the lady's lap and went back to the edge of the pond.
His mommy was still there, and still crying.
"Will she ever stop crying?" he asked the kind lady.
She nodded. "You see, the Angel felt sorry for the Loving Ones, knowing how much they would suffer. He couldn't take the tears away but he made them special."
She dipped her hand into the pond and let the water trickle off her fingers.
"He made them healing tears, formed from the special water here.
Each tear holds bits of all the happy times of purring and petting and shared love.
And the promise of love once again.
As your mommy cries, she is healing. It may take a long while, but the tears will help her feel better. In time she will be less sad and she will smile when she thinks of you.
And then she will open her heart again to another little baby."
"But then she will cry again one day," the little orange boy said.
The lady just smiled at him as she got to her feet.
"No, she will love again. That is all she will think about."
She picked up Big Boy and Snowball and gave them hugs, then scratched Morgan's ear just how she liked.
"Look," she said. "The butterflies have come. Shall we go over to play?"
The other animals all ran ahead, but the little orange boy wasn't ready to leave his mommy.
"Will I ever get to be with her again?"
The kind lady nodded.
"You'll be in the eyes of every kitty she looks at. You'll be in the purr of every cat she pets. And late at night, when she's fast asleep, your spirit will snuggle up close to her and you both will feel at peace. One day soon, you can even send her a rainbow to tell her you're safe and waiting here for when it's her turn to come."
"I would like that," the little orange boy said and took one long look at his mommy.
He saw her smile slightly through her tears and he knew she had remembered the time he almost fell into the bathtub.
"I love you, Mommy," he whispered. "It's okay if you cry."
He glanced over at the other pets, running and playing and laughing with the butterflies.
"Uh, Mommy? I gotta go play now, okay? But I'll be around, I promise."
Then he turned and raced after the others.

Anne Kolaczyk (c) 1998

No fair making me cry.

[Seller]

David, thanks for sharing, my condolences for your families loss.

My parents owned a Schnauzer named Greta. I'd long since moved out and was an adult at the time. I went "home" a few times and the dog took to me like I'd been there her whole life, it was like she knew I belonged. She was a treat to be around and such a good natured pet.

The memories are the best.......

[razman]

so sorry to hear it..........unfortunately, we have all been there. we are obviously all animal lovers. we lost our beloved german shepard "Bonkers" two years ago this July. i've lost many animals over the years, but this one hurt more than most. i'm sorry for your loss, but we all understand. Rick

[katkola]

So sad to hear about Major. I know how difficult losing a loved pet can be.

Sounds like Major was a wonderful dog and family member. Sounds like you are a wonderful pet owner.

I have an English Bulldog that is getting on in age. She has recently been ill, but is doing better now. I know the day will come but I cherish every minute with her. I also have 4 cats - the oldest is 15 year old!

Thanks for sharing with us and for serving our country.
Kat

[dsonyay]

Thank you so much for the kind words and concern. Sorry I took a while to reply, but I took some time off from internet. We're doing fine, but still sad. We've been digging through years of photos to find every photo we had with Major in them. We've found a lot. Some photos he was in and we didn't even realize it.
They'll be cherished forever.

I think I felt the worse of all of us because I was the one that had to make the decision and be there in the office. I kept trying to second guess myself the whole time, thinking there was something else we could do besides euthanasia. So it was very tough witness. I'm sure many of you know how the procedure is done. The feeling of him melting in my arms was very hard to take.

One thing I will try to do if this has to be done again is to have the vet come to our house instead.

Thanks again for all your support. I knew this would be a good place to let out a bit of grief.

I read all the replies and loved the poems, stories, and memories you shared.

[KathyF]

David, I thought that may be the case, but I hesitate to mention the 'guilt' to someone, just in case they're not feeling guilty. I can't tell you how much guilt I had over having to take my dog on his last walk into the vet's office. Was he really *that* sick? Could he have lived ok on meds just a bit longer? All of that replayed in my head over & over...it was so bad that a friend finally sent this to me.

Breaking the Power of Guilt
by Moira Anderson Allen, M.Ed.

If any emotion rules supreme when a pet dies, it is guilt. No matter what the circumstances of our loss, guilt is there, grabbing us by the throat. It haunts our days, ruins our sleep, and tarnishes our memories. Often, guilt goes beyond the loss itself; we may start to feel guilty for just about everything.

Guilt on the Rampage
If a pet dies through an accident or moment of carelessness, guilt is quick to follow. Perhaps someone wasn't careful about opening a door, and the pet ran into the street to be hit by a car. Perhaps someone fed the pet a hazardous treat -- a splintery bone or forbidden bit of chocolate. Perhaps someone overlooked a hazard -- an electric cord, or a bit of string. When something like this happens, guilt closes in quickly. If only I had known...
If only I had been more careful... If only I had come home sooner... If only I had been watching... The final memories of the pet become a litany of failure.

If a pet dies of an unexpected illness, the litany is often similar. Why didn't I notice the symptoms sooner? Why didn't I visit the vet immediately?
Why didn't I get a second opinion? How could I have let it go so long, been so blind, done so little?

Euthanasia is the grand master of guilt. No matter how certain we are that we are doing what is best for the pet, few pet owners actually feel comfortable with this decision. Very few can walk away from the vet's office without nagging doubts, without wondering what the pet felt or thought in that final moment, without asking whether we should have waited longer or tried harder. Many of us feel guilty of literally murdering a family member.

But even if there is nothing in the pet's final hours to trigger a guilty response, we are not off the hook. If we can't find something in the pet's death to feel guilty about, we'll find it in the pet's life. If only I had spent more time with her... If only I had given him more attention... If only I hadn't pushed her off my lap, if only I hadn't ignored those pleading eyes, if only I hadn't been so busy... Before long, we convince ourselves that we were abominable pet owners who made our companions' lives miserable.
And now it's too late. We cannot make amends, redeem ourselves...

Why do we feel this way?
We are believers in cause and effect. When something goes wrong, we want to know why. How did it happen? What went wrong? Could it have been prevented -- and if so, how? Who is responsible? What could/should have been done differently? Rarely can we acknowledge that there are no answers to these questions. Rarely can we say, "no one was at fault; it simply happened." Rarely can we accept that nothing could have been changed or done differently.

This reaction is intensified by the profound sense of responsibility we feel toward our pets. Pets occupy a similar role to very small children: No matter what happens, WE are responsible. We can never expect our pets to understand why they shouldn't run into the street, chew on the electric cord, or filch scraps from the trash. We are always their guardians and protectors. And so, when something happens, we view ourselves as responsible for THAT as well -- and it is only a short step from feeling "responsible" to feeling "guilty."

Nor is guilt simply an emotion. At its core, guilt is a belief -- a conviction that we have done wrong and must suffer for it. The only way to break that conviction is to change what we choose to believe. Here are some choices that can help you take the upper hand over guilt.

1) Choose not to rehearse guilt. Do you find yourself repeating the same guilty thoughts over and over again? They won't go away by themselves. You must choose to make them stop. First, catch yourself. When you find yourself wandering down that painful mental path, put up a mental stop sign. Then, deliberately focus on something else, such as your plans for tomorrow.
Focusing on something positive in the future is a conscious reminder that there is more to your life than negatives from the past.

2) Choose to accept what cannot be changed.

3) Choose balance. Guilt keeps us focused on the times we imagine we failed -- the times we were "too busy" to take a pet for a walk, or play with it, or cuddle it. It blinds us to all the other times when we WEREN'T too busy. So the next time your mind drifts into those unhappy thoughts, choose to refocus. Actively remind yourself of the good times, the times when you were, indeed a responsible and caring pet owner. (Chances are, that was MOST of the time.) Flip through your photo albums. Write down a list of the things you did for and with your pet. FORCE yourself to remember what went right. Recognize that there is, and always has been, a balance between your failures and your successes. No, you weren't 100% perfect. But neither were you 100% flawed.

4) Choose forgiveness. Forgiveness is not some abstract religious concept.
It is a rock-bottom necessity in any relationship. Think about it. Could you have had a relationship with your pet, if you couldn't not "forgive" the puddles, the torn drapes, the gnawed belongings, the broken heirlooms? Pet owners who can't forgive don't remain pet owners for very long. And it worked the other way as well: How often did your pet "forgive" you for coming home late, or ignoring it, or yelling at it? Forgiveness has always been at the foundation of your relationship with your pet, and now you need to make it the foundation of your healing. Each time guilt tries to remind you of some past mistake, acknowledge that mistake -- and forgive it if you did wrong. It's done, it's over, and it's time to move forward. Treat yourself with the same degree of love and acceptance that your pet gave you.
Only then will you be able to heal and love again.

Pet owners who "don't care" will never experience the pangs of guilt. Only caring, responsible pet owners go through this agony. The trouble is, too much guilt can prevent you from becoming a caring, responsible pet owner AGAIN.

The world has enough people who don't care what mistakes they make. It doesn't have enough pet owners who DO care -- who choose to learn from their mistakes and move on to make a difference in yet another pet's life. Don't let guilt keep you locked in a lifetime of misery. Choose to forgive, to love, and to move forward. The world needs you!
Copyright © 2000 by Moira Allen. This column originally appeared on Allpets.com

[dsonyay]

Kathy-- this is very helpful, thanks so much.. it's like the author read my mind.